The SybilSocialist Megacluster of The City of Guelph is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Banks with an even hand, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, smutty television, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, humorless population of 15.456 billion Guelphites are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Guelph. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Guelphian economy, worth an astonishing 11,128 trillion Dollar Credits a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 720,038 Dollar Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers, for the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs, the Guelphian foreign aid program is quick to provide starving children with the latest video games, and conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings. Crime is totally unknown. The City of Guelph's national animal is the Grizzly Bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Sibyl Worship.

The City of Guelph is ranked 281,674^th in the world and 10,588^th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 26.36 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.